Look man, I don't know what your situation is exactly, and chances are you and me live in very different worlds, but I can tell you that I myself went through nervous breakdowns and panic attacks and generally wild times about 5 years ago - Based on all this I can tell you that those darks thoughts you might have are thoughts you better get out of your head some way or another, cause its not work it man. Life is wonderful, the world is wonderful, no matter how times may seems sometimes. We all have different reasons to be believe in a good future, for some it's religion and for some like me it's very different reasons, but not matter where they come from - just hold on to them. And never feel bad about getting help if you need it. I know what it feels like when you desperately try to "keep the sanity going" - the trick for me simply was to hang in there. Today I am much more capable of dealing with the things that might have caused panic attacks years ago.