Burger King Insanity

[Hero1]

[b]Burger King Insanity
Written by *****, ******, ****, ** ******, ******** ******** & ******[/b]



One day as Prince was skiing down a slope wearing nothing but a kilt he spotted something in the distance, it was Julie and Kimmie, prince instantly recognized them from when they tried to steal his kilt. Now they were waiting for the discriminators and Liverpool haters with huge baseball bats. A fight was brewing when from out of the blue they began emptying the fuel out of his cars engine in the car park. Suddenly an aardvark ran from the forest and began mounting prince. Julie shouted to Kimmie, “Let’s take a photo of this and sell it on Ebay.” “We could fetch the van, load them inside and drive off so that we could then dump them off a cliff coz they aren’t worth any money not even for ransom.”


[b]Road Trip[/b]


Julie agreed,” yes we must rid all scouser haters from this earth, or at the very least Liverpool.” They threw prince in the van and hit the road, but Kimmie had to stop cause the van wasn’t glittered up enough to her liking. When on the side of the road they spotted a leopard skin couch, which they saw Tim sitting in, having been picking mushrooms from the side of the dirt track. They pulled up to kidnap him and steal his couch, when at this time Prince jumped out, snatched their wing mirror and ran off back to the slopes. Kimmie pulled out her trusty harpoon and got prince right in the leg, "Bow down oh Scottish one and shimmy to the Kimmie" she proclaimed.

Prince threw the wing mirror at Kimmie, which got lodged in her ear, it didn’t seem to faze her though, cause Kimmie never listens to anyone anyway. Kimmie put Julies spiked collar around her neck, and dragged her along on her leash to help hunt down Prince and Tim. Then da brakes ran up to them, “Help help me, Simone is huntin’ my ass down." “Quick jump in the van,” Julie said. Little did da brakes know this was all part of a devious plot to help steal the gizzard from the local wildlife.

Brakes jumped in, and Kimmie and Julie hit the road when this wrinkled old bag cuts them off on the road. “I’m gonna go so solid crew on their ass!" da brakes yelled. As only a scouser would, Julie started ramming the little old lady. Kimmie ever quick-thinking jumped out of the van, for a duel, when Julie also jumped out to jump on the old ladies sunroof, leaving Brakes steering. But then, out of the bushes came a zombie then kimmie left because the scally haters had hit a certain point, and if she stayed she would have killed them all with a snake. Then Steve Irwin jumped out from the bushes, "wow that’s a bewdy!" he wrangled the old lady to the ground but wait her wigs fallen off that’s no old lady that’s Wild Child. What the hell are you doing here?” they screamed.


[b]The Special Sauce[/b]


Wild Child had come to sample the culinary delights of the local burger king! “I'll have a whopper please, extra sauce!” Little did he know Jonny was working back there and having a rough day. When he saw Wild Child he gave his whopper something extra. Having been downloading some intriguing videos earlier that day, Wild Child had a whale of a time, although for some reason had some of Prince's kilt stuck in between his teeth. Where had Wild Child been sticking his mouth they all wondered? None of them really wanted to know either but the truth was that Prince had been eating jam in the forest when he spilt some on his kilt. Insects were chasing him, so he had yanked it off and legged it much to the shock of the local wildlife. Wild Child had thought the jam was blood and being the vampire he was wanted a taste of it, instead he got a mouthful of jam and kilt (and god knows what else.) So he had headed to burger king to get rid of the horrible after taste.

Jonny was angry that Wild Child interrupted just before he climaxed, so he got a nice surprise in his burger. It was Hero1's Underwear, this was all very well, but it didn't put Wild Child off and just as he was savoring the flavors of the extra sauce, Wild Child became curious about his strange tasting whopper. So he headed back to the kitchen where he found Julie, Jonny and some French fries in a compromising position.
Jonny screamed, “It isn’t what you think!” When up popped AJ from under the sink. Julie screamed, “It is what you think!” The French fries hit the floor, it was as if time moved in slow motion, suddenly the manager walked in!

The manager, fan 4ever, proclaimed, “What the hell do you think you are doing? Dropping the French fries on the floor like that!” Fan 4ever scraped them up, and put them on Wild Childs plate as a gift "on the house" Wild Child became furious! He erupted into a furor and begin to attack da brakes viciously who was standing by innocently looking on. Julie got on the phone and called for backup because Wild Child was letting the "food" go cold and she knew there was only one person that could help her. Prince grabbed the sauce that had dripped through the wrapper of whopper and smeared it all over Wild Childs body. Jim appeared and suggested we offer up Wild Child as a human sacrifice.



[b]The Sacrifice[/b]


Just then, Tim came from out of the dishwasher with a steak and firewood. Da brakes started spitting sum fire, and he wasn’t even rapping. The blaze was lit, all they needed now was a pole and some rope. Wild Child was rather appalled, but felt no one likes a party pooper so he agreed with being sacrificed. Jonny provided the “pole,” and AJ found some rope. Da Brakes found a piece of red cloth but no one seemed to care.

Let the ceremony begin! Just as they were about to burn Wild Child to a crisp Kevtastic walks in wearing nothing but a tutu. Wild Child was enraged. So Da Brakes cunningly did the bull fighting thing with the red cloth to anger him. Kev asked what was going on, but was told that he wasn’t allowed to play because he didn’t fit the "cool" dress standard used in this Burger King kitchen. Prince asked for his kilt back as he only wore a strategically placed leaf, when they decided to begin the ceremony. Kevtastic started dancing with frivolity, but slipped on the whopper sauce. Julie and Kimmie stole all the cutlery and headed for the backdoor, Prince who was wearing nothing warmed up by the fire, Wild Child started screaming for mercy. Jim grabbed his hockey stick and began whacking Wild Child between the legs with it. Da brakes starting pulling red cloth after red cloth from his sleeve. Suddenly daedulus mortality appeared to everyone in a vision, "I disagree with the way you are sacrificing Wild Child, its wrong!" "You should poke his eyeballs in first, and slice of his skin as well so it will hurt more!"

Hannibal Lector walked through the door, "hmmm delicious." Now they had a dilemma, feed Wild Child to old Hannibal or sacrifice him in the fire. They decided to sit on him first, but soon bored of the idea so AJ volunteered to hold the livid Wild Child down with his CD collection while they thought. Suddenly, the room was filled with 50 thugs holding Machine Riffles knifes and baseball bats, it was the So Solid crew, they came to avenge their honor and murder Da brakes for dissing them.


[b]Not So Solid[/b]


Prince threw his previously strategically placed hands onto his head claiming his innocence, where upon bearing himself to the world, everyone but Jonny turned away. In a moment of genius, AJ grabbed some CDs and used them as Frisbee missiles, when Prince had the idea of throwing peaches as once the rest of the peach falls apart the stone can turn into a missile. Besides, everyone was getting hungry and they were angry that the ceremony had been interrupted. The So Solid crew hadn’t expected such firepower in a burger king kitchen! They started to open fire blindly and mostly shot their own people in the kneecaps, legs and feet. Prince, protecting his innocence with a tea towel around his waist, grabbed his ski poles and proclaimed, "en guard" before grabbing the sacrifice as a human shield.

Outside, snow had begun to fall and the temperature was -17*C. The confused Wild Child stripped off his clothes, and ran off in the scud into the night. Jonny served the So Solid boys up with some quality grub, some that earlier he had really tried hard on preparing. Satisfied, the Crew left peacefully with very full stomachs having licked their plates, and having tasted the brilliance of the quality scoff, duly agreed to leave Brakes alone.


[b]Hoppin’ Mad[/b]


Prince meanwhile had spotted W3 outside. He invited W3 inside, who promptly presented him with a new kilt. Also, on W3's travels, he had encountered a rather strange block of ice. He opened his suitcase, and out tumbled Wild Child within an ice cube. Jonny put him in the oven to thaw out, while Jimmy The Kangaroo hopped by to do his funky Kango song everybody ignored Jimmy the Kangaroo who hopped along on his way. Which made Jimmy the Kangaroo feel very lonely and unsure about his own manly hood. So Jimmy went off on his travels in search of that gay aardvark that had been plaguing Prince earlier that day.

Just then, Tim turned up wit his full gear of handbag, dress and beard and decided to help jimmy with his search. Tim, struggling to raise his arms past his 3ft beard, pointed little Jimmy in the right direction, before deciding he would remain in the kitchen as he was getting hungry. Wild Child should be thawed out by now, and he was anxious to proceed with the ceremony. To his surprise, as he opened to oven door, Wild Child was a big ball of flames, Jonny, who was only good at making sauce in the kitchen, had put wild child on a high setting.

Wild child launched out of the oven onto Tim, who's beard set alight! Tim was upset that his "beauty" was being abolished, and he didn’t mean his beard. Prince, looking as dashing as ever, grabbed a damp tea towel (Jonny's from earlier) and used it to smother the flames on Tim's beard, saving the day. But then Daedalus Mortality rushed in and said "I don’t agree, your not doing that right, you have to put out a fire this way." He proceeded to immerse Tim in a vat of Jonny's special sauce.

Meanwhile, Wild Child lay there burning because nobody had actually saved him, so Jonny used his fire hose to out the flames. Tim, dripping fresh from the vat, pushed Jonny onto the ground, and tied Wild Child to Jonny's “pole.” But there was a problem, as both FuQ and Brakes spat fire to set the fire alight, Tim noticed his already singed beard was caught up in the rope, but wait, Jimmy appeared and gnawed Tim’s beard off to set him free. Once Tim was free Jimmy kicked him in the face. "That’s what u get for giving me the wrong directions". Tim was left bewildered on the floor.


[b]Scouser Fight[/b]


When Kimmie appeared to steal Tim's beard, Julie annoyed that Kimmie got there first decided to steal Tims beard from Kimmie, and to the others alarm a huge scouser/cat fight had begun, with nails, pulling hair and biting. “,”Stop shouted prince. Daedalus mortality said "you are all idiots you don’t know how to fight, you idiots." Convinced they were idiots, Julie and Kimmie began crying, before they realized they were only idiots for fighting, because fighting doesn’t solve anything, so everyone had a group hug until they realized they were all still covered in Jonny’s man juice.

“By the way, where had Jonny gone?" proclaimed Julie. Jonny had done a quick dash to his computer to download some girls modeling, but he stumbled across a web cam in the Burger King! Now that everything had got out Wild Child’s family came to avenge his treatment! Little did they know Wild Child was the dancing model!! As Jonny wiped the man juice off and started 2 run out of the restaurant, he tripped and slipped on a banana skin and broke his rather excited penis! Which totally broke of and slipped down the drain into the sewer, which was then picked up by jedi2002jaime@hotmail.com who promised to return it, but about a week later it still wasn't returned. Jonny got upset and got his mother to knit a new one.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, a giant Mutant Gold fish was striking havoc upon the town but unbeknown to the fish Julie was not only a robber by trade but also a half trained veterinary nurse. She pulled a can of polish from her knickers and sprayed it on the mutant fish (it kills fish don’t you know), the fish roared in anger before it toppled down and landed on AJ.


[b]Souped Up[/b]


He span it around on the turntables before scratching and mixing it out the open window. “Hey" a voice shouted, "that’s my job" and to AJ's surprise it was Jazzy Jeff. "I’m the best DJ around here!" Who suddenly learned he had a fish allergy and started to have severe breathing problems! Someone is going to have to perform mouth to mouth, since Johnny was no longer feeling very masculine he had no problem with the idea, but as he began to bend down, real big willie came rushing in.

He screamed in a mad fit; "A customer of mine was complaining he found a penis in his soup!! I instantly recognized it as Johnny’s because of the pink glow and the dark piercing in the tip! “So have you got it for me?” Johnny asked. “No, I used it in a stock,” RBW replied. Jonny howled with disappointment, “What can I do I cant use this woolen penis my mum knitted for me, its all flaccid.”


[b]Cover Up[/b]


Suddenly the MIB came rushing in, “One of you here is an alien.” They all stood up and admitted they were aliens, but at the exact same time. Now there was a dilemma for the MIB, "you’re not all aliens," said the MIB, “We know u are all covering up for the real one. The only way to tell who is the real alien is to prod you all with electric cattle prodders. The alien will have an orgasm lasting 30minutes.” The gang looked on, in anticipation of this fantastic pleasure, as after all, they all believed themselves to be the alien.

Jonny, the most excited of the crew pleaded "me first, oh please me first", the MIB hesitantly stepped forward and proceeded with the cattle prodding and waited for the result. Jonnys woolen glove seemed happy, but the crew decided that was normal. Proceed to next person, AJ was next, he was prodded and appeared to have a huge orgasm, "It’s him!" the MIB screamed, "no wait" cried Da Brakes, "he has just spotted a rare jjfp album lying on the floor.”

When they came to Prince it was extra charged, as they were sure that only insane people wear kilts (it isn't a skirt guys!). Prince flew backwards against the wall, before angrily calling FuQ and bigted to come and help beat these guys up. The MIB, undeterred by this phone call, then proceeded to neuralise everyone on the scene. They remembered nothing. The MIB left, realizing it doesn’t matter who the alien is, those guys were all so nuts weren’t really on this planet in the first place.
[i]
[b]THE END[/b][/i]

[Jazzy Julie]

yey! that story is so amazingly bad that its good. Im sure it will be publlished.

[Da Brakes]

Wow!! Its quite long as well! They'l probably thin a 10 year old wrote it!

[JumpinJack AJ]

[quote=Jazzy Julie,Aug 26 2004, 09:22 AM]yey! that story is so amazingly bad that its good. Im sure it will be publlished. [/quote]
Acually...i just think it's amazingly bad...period.

[KevTastic]

Bad, but in the Michael Jackson way

Well its filled up my afternoon nicely reading it.

:roll:

[Guest Prince]

lol! Fantastic

[mfuqua23]

I was skimming it, hoping not 2 find my name in the story. But I was wrong. The only insanity I see is our so-called admin. See what the world is coming to. They'll let anyone control a website nowadayz.

[WildWildWillennium]

I think people will cringe the most when all of a sudden they read about the 'man juice' on Jonny.

[Wild Child]

I think it's a lil funny..although my name appears in it alot..

[thePrince]

lol oh geez. I'd forgotten all about this - this is hilarious, I can barely remember us 6 writing it :lolsign:

Good days, hey :2thumbs:

Edited January 14, 2006 by thePrince

[Wild Child]

lol u wrote it too??

and so i decided to be a sacrifice ha ha ha i'd run like hell

[thePrince]

lol u wrote it too??

lol yeah dude, back in summer 2004.

It was Me, Tim, Julie, Da Bonkers, Daedalus and someone else, possibly Kimmie. We were saying one sentence each at a time, then they were joined up to make up the story.

I just finished reading it again - can't believe how funny I'm finding this. Thanks for upping this thread man - came as a bit of a surprise to me. It's an awesome read though :2thumbs:

Edited January 14, 2006 by thePrince

[Chief]

tell the truth hiero...you got a new Mad Libs book

[Jonny 5]

man, I'd forgotten how funny that was... :lolsign:

[Lerkot]

Tim prefer Hungry Jack's for sure. But Burger Kings strips are fine.

Oh... I see that wasnt the main discussion :)