fabman Posted February 14, 2005 Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 Hi, I wrote this song "Then There Was Her Best Friend". And the story happened to me really. Say what do U think (how many points would u give the lyrics. Example: ? / 5 points). AND could you help me for the grammar? THX... now comes... “THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND” Written by F. Froio I’m tellin’ u a story you’ll never forget, About girls and somethin’ like dis – U know! So if you ready I’ll begin with the story THAT’S THE BEGINNING There was this hot girl, Sarah, I wanted to go with And I used my charm to get what I want I’ve said somethin’ like “Do you wanna go with me girl?” She laughed, looked at me And then she said YES So I thought great, Let’s have a date today She said, I’ll send u a msg... But – wait – that’s only the beginnig Now comes the bad... ‘CAUSE THEN THERE WILL BE HER BEST FRIEND I was eating when a msg arrived on my cellphone It was her, she wrote Something like: “let’s meet on 7 pm Come to my friend Annette” I thought wait, what? Annette? Who? DAMN! I called her immediatly “Why do I have to come to Annette? Who is Annette? Where does she live?” She said... I have to relax We only have to bring her to bring her to her boyfriend. And then she gave me the adress. I went to Annette, said Hi, let’s go Then we three went to Annette’s boyfriend But he wasn’t at home She sent him a msg and he didn’t answer Damn, what the hell? Then my girl said to me “Come on, I’m her best friend. We can’t leave her alone. She’ll come with us” I said: “Wait, what? Why? I’ve wanted to go out only with you.” Then she looked at me with her sweet eyes And I said “OK, OK, but I do this only for you, babe” So we went to the cinema But not with the intention to watch the movie In the theater I wanted to use the famous love arm BUT THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND Shoutin’ hey come here I wanted to kiss her, when Sarah said wait. She sat to her Annette and left me alone I had to watch the movie a stupid love story So with the time got mad and I shouted out loud I wanna go wit’ U but only without her So choose Annette or me Then this big guy said: SHUT UP, MAN! THIS IS A THEATER I WANNA SEE THE MOVIE Then he hit me! I kicked him... So in this theater there was a big brawl The police came, we were all bleedin’ I’ve said to Sarah: “Goodbye, never wanna see U again” She said “Why?” Because of your best friend, Because of her I didn’t kiss you Because of her we couldn’t grab --- all over you! Because of your damn friend, my nose is bleeding. BECAUSE THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND Then I saw this hot chick, Shakin’ with ass, DAMN I’ll go to her I said hi, my name Fab, What’s ya name, girl Her name was Tina I asked if she wanted to go out with me She said “Yeah, why not, you’re cute” See you tommorrow? WAIT! Tina... Only one question! Do you have a best friend you wanna go out tommorrow with? No... Perfect, see then Tina... And this was my lil’ story, man! so don’t forget to ask if a best friend comes... 2005 - The Fab Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 14, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 only the BRAWL in the cinema is invented. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted February 14, 2005 Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 its alright, the grammer could be improved but u have already stated that, sometimes if u want to be a story teller, be good in the language u choose, maybe havin a few rhymes, keep the readers attention is the best advice i can give to u Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 14, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 thanx. that is one critic i can need. u helped me very much. the language. What's the JJFP Community album? How many trax do u have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fan 4ever Posted February 14, 2005 Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 thanx. that is one critic i can need. u helped me very much. the language. What's the JJFP Community album? How many trax do u have? We're still working on that! It's an album that features songs from the MC's on this board! And the producers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loco Posted February 14, 2005 Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 I know my rhymes ain't that great as FuQ's, but if i was you i would try to find better ones. And the scheme isn't that good. But It's aight. :thumb: Peace Loco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigted Posted February 14, 2005 Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 What's up, I'd rate your song 2.75/5, there's room for improvement in your rhyme scheme, keep practicing and you'll get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loco Posted February 14, 2005 Report Share Posted February 14, 2005 That's what i was sayin. Word Up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 I give it a 2 outta 5. I found it hard to really follow any kind of delievery or flow, rhyme, etc. Your "Best Friend" idea is rough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Hero1 Posted February 15, 2005 Admin Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 well i found the story pretty funny maybe you should try rhyming in your native tongue :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scyhigh99 Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 well i found the story pretty funny maybe you should try rhyming in your native tongue :thumb: If English isn't your first language, why would u attempt to rap in it? It's actually not bad, but I'd imagine if you tried to write it w/ the vocab and speech u were most familiar with, it would be far easier to write more complex rhymes & whatnot. I mostly say this because when I read Hero's comments, it made me think if I could ever write a rhyme in, say, Spanish. The answer is, unequivocally, no. In any case, off the topic, props for being bilingual. I'm definately jealous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 sorry i forgot to rate it, give it 2.5/5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 thanx 4 ya help, I'm working on a new version of the song. Only 1 question, does anybody have beats for me?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 im workin on 2 new version. No. 1: ITALIAN VERSION No. 2: NEW ENGLISH VERSIONS WITH RHYMES so more critics??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 PLEASE !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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