Da Brakes Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 I'm liking the whole story telling aspect of it. I think the rhyme scheme is very basic, where I could find it. I agree with Tim that I'd like to hear a version in your native tongue. That would be cool. But keep writing and keep showing us your work! :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 thanx. yeah, i will. the Italian version won't be finished til next week. but I'll finish my new english version tomorrow or thursday... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted February 15, 2005 Report Share Posted February 15, 2005 remember dont rush the song, if u aint feeling it, dont write it :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loco Posted February 16, 2005 Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 I'm looking forward to read the italian version Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 16, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2005 A NEW VERSION The lines @ the cinema and with tina aren’t finished yet but check my last 5 lines “THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND” Written by F. Froio I’m tellin’ u a story you’ll never forget, About girls and somethin’ like dis – U know! So if you ready I’ll begin with the story THAT’S THE BEGINNING There was this hot girl, Sarah, Hotter than my ex, Clara And I used my charm to get what I want I’ve said somethin’ like “Do you wanna go with me girl?” She laughed, looked at me And then she said YES So I thought great, Next to that I invited her to a date She answered with “Wait! I’ll call u if I have time for going out” But – wait – that’s only the beginnig Later I heard my cellphone ringing I said to her “What’s up, how are you?” And suddenly she said her best friend Annette comes, too And I screamed “Who?” She said I have to relax Cause we only have to bring her to her boyfriend She gave me Annette’s adress And so I went to the house idealess When I arrived, I said “Hi, let’s go” So we went to Annette’s boyfriend And that was da beginnin’ of mine and Sarah’s end That jerk wasn’t at home I just thought: Damn, what the hell? This date didn’t start very well Sarah said to me: “Come on, darling see.” And that’s she sad and is her best friend Then my girl said to me “Come on, I’m her best friend. We can’t leave her alone. Tell me, does she have to go home?” I said: “Why not she is old enough. And where we live there isn’t much kidnapping or similiar stuff.” Then she looked at me with her sweet eyes More beatiful than every sunrise I said “I do this only for you, Sarah” So we three went to the cinema We watched a movie about Croft... her first name was Lara. I already watched it so You now, my friends I didn’t go with the intention to watch the movie In the theater I wanted to use the famous love arm That is one important part of my charm BUT THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND Shoutin’ “hey come here” I wanted to kiss her, my girl went there And suddenly left me alone I had to watch the movie So with the time got mad and I shouted out loud I wanna go wit’ U but only without her So choose between me and Annette Then this big guy said: SHUT UP, MAN! I thought “What the hell, damn?” THIS IS A THEATER I WANNA SEE THE MOVIE I said to him “Relax man, be a lil’ more groovy” Then he hit me! I kicked him... So in this theater there was a big brawl The police came, we were all bleedin’ I said to Sarah: “Goodbye, never wanna see You again” Then I kicked the trash can, while I was goin’ away She said “Why?” Because of your best friend, Because of her I didn’t kiss you Because of her we couldn’t grab --- all over you! Because of your damn friend, my nose is bleeding. BECAUSE THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND Then I saw this hot chick, Shakin’ with her ass, I went to her I said hi, my name Fab, What’s ya name, girl Her name was Tina I asked if she wanted to go out with me She said “Yeah, why not, you’re cute” See you tommorrow? WAIT! Tina... Only one question! Do you have a best friend you wanna go out tommorrow with? No... Perfect, see then Tina... Yo! Felles are You hearin’ And now I’m swearin’ Never go out with Your Girl and her Best Friend ‘Cause that’s the end I hope You Understand © 2005 T H E F A B M A N Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted February 21, 2005 Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Thats more like it!!! :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFreshestOfThemAll03 Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 I like your storyline and how it's based on a truel story. For some reason it sounded like "Girls Ain't Nothing But Trouble" maybe it's just me but ya. Just need to improve with some rhymes and perhaps sentence fluency. Good trying tho! 2.5/5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted February 22, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 OK, thx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigted Posted February 24, 2005 Report Share Posted February 24, 2005 Thats more like it!!! :thumb: :werd: I give it a 4/5 now, it's clearer to understand now, 'nuff props for being bilingual too, I know a lot of French from takin' 6 years of it in high school but it ain't that easy for me to write a rhyme in French it's hard for me to do that and have it make sense, I give you credit to do that. :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted March 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2005 Hi y'all, here is the FINAL VERSION of "Then There Was Her Best Friend". The new and shorter title is "Her Best Friend". Joe helped alot with the rhymes. I'll post my new song "Rock Da Mic" soon ! Her Best Friend Written by F. Froio. Co-written by Joe 1st verse There was this hot girl susan Hotter than my ex, clara it was an illusion And I used my charm to get what I wanted I’ve said somethin’ like "You've Never Flaunted" She laughed, looked at me, i looked at her dress And then she said YES, i wanted to tell the press So I thought great, Next to that I invited her to a date She answered with “Wait! I’ll call u if I have time for going out” i responded, damn girl dont have to shout 2nd verse But – wait – that’s only the beginnig Later I heard my cellphone ringing I said to her “What’s up, how are you?” And suddenly she said her best friend Annette comes, too And I screamed “Who's Annette? ?” She said I have to relax, i went "ok" it cant be a threat Cause we only have to bring her to her boyfriend She gave me Annette’s address, so fellas the message i send Dont fool around wit a girl who wants to play cat and mouse so i did what i asked, And so I went to the house When I arrived, I said “Hey you Annette?" i saw candles, i see the tone had been set So we went to Annette’s boyfriend And that was da beginnin’ of mine and Sarah’s end That jerk wasn’t at home i wondered if we could leave annete all alone I just thought: Damn, what the hell? This date didn’t start very well Sarah said to me: “Come on, darling see.” Then my girl said to me “Come on, I’m her best friend. We can’t leave her alone. Tell me, does she have to go home?” I said: “Why not she is old enough. And where we live there isn’t much kidnapping or similiar stuff.” Then she looked at me with her sweet eyes More beatiful than every sunrise I said “I do this only for you, susan 3rd So we three went to the cinema the film was called "Dissulioned We watched a movie about Croft... her first name was Lara. I already watched it so i wanted to get my freak on like my ex clara I didn’t go with the intention to watch the movie In the theater I wanted to use the famous love arm and she would think what a smoothie all i wanted to do is show her my charm hopefully she would know ill never let her get harmed BUT THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND Shoutin’ “hey come here” I wanted to kiss her, my girl went there And suddenly left me alone, i wanted to go home I had to watch the film without the girls, i felt fouled So with the time got mad and I shouted out loud I wanna go wit’ U but only without her, shes got a bet!! So choose between me and Annette Suddenly there was this big man known as Big Red “THIS IS A THEATER, I WANNA SEE THE MOVIE” I said “sit back, relax, be a lil’ more groovy” Then he came and hit me, what happened then i didn’t really see. Cause there was this big brawl. The police came very very fast, they picked the people up from da 1st till da last. Then I kicked the trash can, while I was goin’ away She said “Why?” coz i cant stand to stay away Because of your best friend, the rules i bend Because of her I didn’t kiss you, i dont mean to diss u Because of her we couldn’t grab --- all over you! Because of your damn friend, my nose is bleeding and baby, thats the reason im leaving BECAUSE THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND 4th verse Then I saw this hot chick, shaking her thing, i said "wanna catch a flick?" my name is fab, whats yours? Her name was Tina it was the laws I asked if we could link and then she played the flute She said “Yeah, why not, you’re cute” See you tommorrow? hopefully her best friend wont come to give us sorrow so i asked WAIT! Tina... Only one question! Do you have a best friend you wanna go out tommorrow with? No... Perfect, see then Tina... Yo! Felles are You hearin’ And now I’m swearin’ Never go out with Your Girl and her Best Friend ‘Cause that’s the end I hope You Understand Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted March 3, 2005 Report Share Posted March 3, 2005 Thats Cool, thanks, i didnt help alot only gave him ideas :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fan 4ever Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 This is much better then the first one! It rhymes and it's a great story! Nice Job :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceAngel Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Yeah that is a lot better! Great job! Keep it up and keep us posted with your songs!! :sonny: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 this was much much better than the first one, the only thing that popped in my head was insted of "she answered with wait" maybe "but then she said wait". its easier to say when your rapping....just an idea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabman Posted March 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!! THX ! THX ! THX THE FAB MAN ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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