The First Day

[willsmithfan1]

Hey, I wrote my first poem a week ago. Let me know what you think. Advice always appreciated.

The First Day

It all starts from the day of your birth

That's when you were introduced to Earth

day by day you started to grow

week by week more and more starts to show

as you get older things start to change

everything happens in its own range

as you get older

your life will get colder

and there's nobody for you

to tell people all the hard times you been through

all you see now is people with crews

and you have many different views

as it gets harder, you start to crack

mad as you are, you get your own back

you tried to kill yourself

all you did was hurt someone else

now you're dead

everything has shred

as we get on with life with our own way

always look back to your first day

[kbfprince]

Good poem, seems too simple though. It's a good start.

[Mike]

that earth-birth ryhme is good. i had a rhyme wtih the same words written somewhere. which means your on the right track haha

[Bracesup]

day by day you started to grow

week by week more and more starts to show

:hmm: ................. :wtf: ......................... :lolsign:

Anyway, nice poem man. You should keep writing more. :2thumbs:

[willsmithfan1]

Thanks for the feedback! :2thumbs: