markwinfield1 Posted August 24, 2005 Report Share Posted August 24, 2005 (edited) Yall told me don't give anyways i hope this 1 is better and its way personal&serious but if its no good let me know i'll head back to the drawing board... Inspired by:sunN.Y./Soul Of A Hustler Hot rhymes/Bad times/Dudes like close them blinds yo its hot outside/1 day i woke up homeless/No more meat on my bone/Lonely nights/Nothing lite about my life/The streets made me a man/I asked a dude for help he told me to get my azz up& to get a job/I tried to explain to this this dude i was disabled/But his ears was enabled/I look back on my life a failure of course/I remember back in a certain period of my life cats said i had no flow/Daily reminding myself i don't wanna end like these lost souls/Night&day peaple come and go/Man this life is a trap Its short but i hope i improved... i might add more later i can tell by rereading its not better than my 1rst freestyle Edited August 24, 2005 by markwinfield1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fresh-Ta-Def Posted August 24, 2005 Report Share Posted August 24, 2005 3 things 1. its not a rap 2. barly anything rhymes 3. its not a freestyle ok well you relly need to work man no offence but thats ugly... i had to smack myself on the head to read the whole thing... keep working at it... thats more of a poem it aint close to a rap. and just to clarify a "freestyle" is off the top and theres no way a "freestyle" can be "unfinished" like your title says.... keep working... or stop all in all.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbfprince Posted August 24, 2005 Report Share Posted August 24, 2005 Agree with Fresh Ta Def, it's not a freestyle if you keep adding to it, and stuff has to rhyme more somehow. Also you might wanna break your lines up so it's easier to read. Kinda liked this though : 'I remember back in a certain period of my life cats said i had no flow/Daily reminding myself i don't wanna end like these lost souls' Since it is a freestyle no more, you might wanna shorten both of these lines to make it flow better unless you can rap really fast. Keep working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted August 24, 2005 Report Share Posted August 24, 2005 This a freestyle or keystyle Just last night i saw mark thinking that he was whack In this world where these fools only want to be black No offensce im not racist but this fool wants to be a rapist when you was growing up did you dad really get a facelift? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markwinfield1 Posted August 24, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 24, 2005 This a freestyle or keystyle Just last night i saw mark thinking that he was whack In this world where these fools only want to be black No offensce im not racist but this fool wants to be a rapist when you was growing up did you dad really get a facelift? ← i meant that there was more to i just stopped with what i had next time i'll say keystyle p.s. i new to writeing rhymes,keystyles,freestyles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted August 24, 2005 Report Share Posted August 24, 2005 How can this be a freestyle if it's unfinished? A freestyle is just going, and once U stop, that's it. U need to separate ya lines so they're readable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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