Members Snouf Posted October 14, 2005 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2005 (edited) What up ya all? It's been a while since I wrote something in english but a few days ago I wrote this little verse, maybe you feel me on this one, check it out: H E A R T B U R N Let me show you my truest fears I'm scared, can you see my tears? But I'm not scared to die I'm scared to live this life alone Always lonely makes me cry at home Nobody's with me, they all gone One girl loved me, but I played games Friendship's over, I won't call names The other girl loved me too, she is my heart We understand each other right from the start But now she's gone and I wanna know why If I could I would give her the beautiful sky With all stars and the brightest moon Give me one more chance I just need it soon I know where it went wrong, let me fix it Come back with a smile and let me kiss it My heart is burnin', it screams your name Girl, you and me not together would be a shame Take your time, no, take your time for me Show me love, show me passion, let me see Let me see you happy, let me see you smile You and me doin' it, it has been a while Please remember the time, it was crazy There's no doubt, I love you baby! This is how I feel, it must be good :1-say-yes: Edited October 14, 2005 by Snouf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted October 15, 2005 Report Share Posted October 15, 2005 1.But now she's gone and I wanna know why - Because of this line-->Nobody's with me, they all gone, I'd change #1 to "But now she's gone, like all the others, and I wanna know why". Not that the verse isn't kept together, but that could make it connect better. "Take your time, no, take your time for me Show me love, show me passion, let me see" - the feeling of the flow of these lines are dope "Please remember the time, it was crazy There's no doubt, I love you baby!" - real nice ending. A nice and easy verse. Pretty dope for someone who doesn't write in English much. (note: a pop up titled heart ache came up for some strange reason, when I was replying to this :sick:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Snouf Posted October 15, 2005 Author Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2005 Thank you very much for your feedback mfuqua! Actually I don't write lyrics to rap them, I just write it to get my thoughts out on paper and this time I wanted it to do in english. I know it's not that complex, but I said what I wanted to say with this verse. Thanks again, peace! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted October 17, 2005 Report Share Posted October 17, 2005 I can relate 2 that alot, Good lyrics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Snouf Posted October 17, 2005 Author Members Report Share Posted October 17, 2005 That's cool, good to see somebody who feels/thinks like me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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