Mike Posted November 17, 2005 Report Share Posted November 17, 2005 this is definatly the most poetic rhyme i have ever written. its full of symbolism, metaphor, personification. but its still a rap. it has no hook cause i would plan to spit slowly and have an epic beat. Feedback palease On Unmarked Territory Written by Concept On unmarked territory, no one stands No mans land, boundaries unplanned The spot that’s left over, nobody goes People see it, about it, nobody knows No one has a problem with it but nobody cares Stick to their regulars and nobody goes there The cold spot that’s always told not To be with, it’s judged everyday Annoying cause it always seems to get in your way A man with no name walks an empty path Furious with others and lets out his wrath Write lyrics to songs inside of his head Hates his loneliness, wishes he was dead Rejected from his friends cause they don’t like him If his rhymes solved problems he’d keep on writin He sat on the curb and put his head between his knees Prays it gets better, “God help me please” He picks up his head, but has no where to go Where to start to start off, he don’t even know The land stays there, lets the wind blow around It enjoys how know one steps on its ground The man with no name continues his journey Nowhere to go but he’s in no hurry Remembers Mr. Frost and takes the road less traveled Noticed the perfection of the untouched gravel He continues his path, signs disappear Wonders if anyone has ever been here Writes with a stone and he makes a map he Settles down and the land is happy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted November 17, 2005 Report Share Posted November 17, 2005 That is brilliant man, keep it up!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Amor Posted November 17, 2005 Report Share Posted November 17, 2005 Thats great man. Good job Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willreign Posted November 18, 2005 Report Share Posted November 18, 2005 very nice man... love it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted November 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2005 theres this poerty contest for teens in a magazine called parade that comes with our newspaper. it has to be 20 lines and the winner gets $300. so im entering this poem. the only provblem is that its more than 20 lines so im cutting it down. here it is, i tried to keep what i thought were the most important lines and still have the same meaning in it. cause each line had a deeper meaning. tell me what you think. On unmarked territory, no one stands No mans land, boundaries unplanned No one has a problem with it but nobody cares The cold spot that’s always told not To be with, it’s judged everyday Annoying cause it always seems to get in your way A man with no name walks an empty path Furious with others and lets out his wrath Rejected from his friends cause they don’t like him He sat on the curb and put his head between his knees Prays it gets better, “God help me please” He picks up his head, but has no where to go Where to start to start off, he doesn’t even know The land stays there, lets the wind blow around It enjoys how know one steps on its ground The man with no name continues his journey Remembers Frost and takes the road less traveled Noticed the perfection of the untouched gravel Writes with a stone and he makes a map he Settles down and the land is happy this could be my big break!! its in the paper if i win! so i could get somewhere. thats my highest hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbfprince Posted November 27, 2005 Report Share Posted November 27, 2005 Good luck! Really hope you win!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceAngel Posted November 29, 2005 Report Share Posted November 29, 2005 That's really good! Good luck, I hope you win too! :2thumbs: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Jiggy Posted November 29, 2005 Report Share Posted November 29, 2005 that was a touching poem, i felt it all the way;you really need to win that 300 for real;or we gon jump the newspaper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted November 30, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2005 that was a touching poem, i felt it all the way;you really need to win that 300 for real;or we gon jump the newspaper hahah thanks man, all of you thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GScotty2410 Posted December 2, 2005 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 you are the best rapper on the face of the planet and my inspiration hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members maddblock Posted December 14, 2005 Members Report Share Posted December 14, 2005 yea yea ima dude cus we cool in d appl b is in da butt cus ya head in ya face u kool u dont see through my face in ya butt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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