ADVICE

[Luigie]

*sigh* I need relationship advice:

I've been dating this girl since roughly mid-october, so about a month now. Things have been going well and all, but I haven't seen her since halloween. I've called her once a week to catch up and see if she's free. She is going to NYU and taking pre-med, so I know she's busy, so I don't mind her not being able to go out often. But today I called her and asked her out and she said she'll have to see because she's working on a paper for her class. So, I ask if she'll be free on Monday (she has no class that day, but works at the NYU library) and I can take her out to dinner that day after her work (I have only one class on monday) and she said that she changed her schedule and will be working at the library on wednesday, and her paper on monday.

How should I take this?

take it liek coincidence..be positive..and if she keeps sayin she cant well surprise heer anywhere she'll be ;)

[Turntable]

I could post this in both, this thread and the Prayer and Support Cirkle. I'll write it down in this one.

The last few weeks (5, 6) I'm dealing with some problems. The last 3 year's havent been that easy on me. My Familly has issues, that go way past the usual lil puberty issue's, in case some of you think it's about something like that. I hope you dont mind that I dont get deeper into it, caus for me it is very hard to explain. Anyway, I got used to the fact that ish happens on a regular base, and I stardet to just take it all and to put it somewhere in the back of my mind, instead of dealing with it. I did that caus I feel responsible, especaly for my sister and her child, I feel like I cant be weak caus of that, caus they allready got it bad. But the last few weeks it seems like I cant do that anymore. I'm full, I cant take anything more. Thing's are starting to come out again, like they dont wanna be ignored nomore.

--

To explain the situation, I'll quikly tell you about my friend(s):

There are 2, 3 persons in my life that are really important to me (Next to my family), only one of them also lifes where I life (I been through Europe, so I know people on allot of places). I'm having a hard time with letting people get to know me, and with letting people getting formiliar with the stuff that is going on. The one that life's here is my only friend in the netherlands. I got more "friends", bu she is the only one that I really consider a true friend, caus she's the only one I talk too about things I'm going through. All my other so called friends dont know me really, but I dont blame them, it is how it is, and it also has to do with me. This might help ya'll to understand how important she is to me. In her I find what I dont seem to find anymore in my family.

---

Like I said, I cant swallow all the ish nomore, and that lead's to some problems. I get aggresive very fast these days, and I'm having problems with taking things that I find in any way offensive. Even if it is my friend. In my hart I know she's not serious, but I still cant deal with it. I feel offended, I get aggresive or mad. It's like I'm watching myself doing ish. I cant control it. It makes me, like ya'll might understand, very tirred. I dont want to be like that, and I dont want to hurt people that I care so much about. But I just cant deal with it. I feel like a Dog that is getting pushed into a corner, I start to "bite". I hate it, and I find it very difficult. I dont wanna be like that, and I didnt used to be like that. I wonder if it really has anything to do with me just putting all the ish from the last few years in the back of my mind, instead of letting it out, talking about it or anything like that. And if it's linked to the fact that I did start talking about everything that happened (through the last 3) years with that girl, in the last month or something.

There are allot of diffrent people on here, with diffrent quality's and diffrent life storys. I just wanted to ask for some advice, and at the same time also for some support or prayers. Thank you.

[Turntable]

I got a new problem, while the other one still going. It's not only about me tho. Anyway, lets get it stardet..

Naomi (The girl you might know from the post above this one) has a lil problem. Her parents dont like the fact that we are friends, caus I'm older than her. Ever since I met her, they didnt like the fact that we are hangin' out. Her moma told her that she doesnt want her to be friends with me, caus our world suposely would be to diffrent. And they probably also think that we arent staying friends, she probably think's that we are devloping to more. Anyway, yesterday night we was talking on msn again, till about 10pm. Her moma caught her talking to me. Now Naomi is grounded to 2 weeks, which isnt such a big deal. But her moma took it to another level.. After the 2 weeks are over she wont be allowed to go onto msn anymore, after 7, 8 pm. She wont be allowed to talk on the phone anymore. After school she has to go home right away. Her moma basicly stardet to watch every step she makes.. and no, I'm not just saying that. It's really screwed up, and believe me, I'm not a person that say's something like that fast. When she stay's at her daddy's house it's not that bad, caus even tho her mom tell's him to forbid her stuff, he doesnt do it. But well.. She aint there that often. Myself, I feel very bad about this. She act's like nothing is going on, she's good in playing tough. But I dont want this ish. Caus, even tho she say's it aint, it's kinda my fault. Without me she wouldnt be in this situation probably. I thought about talking to her mother, caus me and her never met before (Which makes me even more angry about the fact that she still judges me like that, without trying to get to know me). I told Naomi that I'm not feeling this, and that I wanna talk to her mom. But she doesnt want that. She's scared of what might happen I guess. One of my homie's tell's me to do it anway, caus that's the only way I'd be able to fix what's going on, caus that would be the way that would maybe make her mom discover that I'm a good guy.

What do ya'll think? It cant be going on like this. It's aint normal anymore.

Edited December 5, 2006 by Turntable

[bigted]

Hey Turntable I understand exactly how that is homie, it was that way for a while when I first met Krystle and she gave me her phone #, we talked on the phone a couple times I guess when her parents weren't there, then one time I called her and her dad answered the phone and was yelling the crap out of me where I couldn't even talk it seemed, he slammed down the phone on me and told me don't ever call here again or **** will hit the fan, the next day when I saw her in school she had no idea that I was gonna to call her so much, really she going through a tough situation at that point, stuff she told me that I won't ever reveal to anyone, only me and her knew about it, so what I did was let time go by and just talk to her in school since we went to school together during my senior year, now of course if you don't see her in school or anywhere outside then that might not be an option, now after I graduated high school it was a different story, she was saying to me before I graduated that things cooled over for awhile but I called her up one time that summer of '03 and a couple times nobody answered...

Now I left a message on her answering machine a few times, one day she called me and told me to not call her again 'cause of her parents gave her hell about me leaving messages on the answer machine but I didn't want to give up though 'cause I cared about her, I told her that too and I asked her to talk to her

parentsbut she told me that they were too upset to talk about her, she said nothing personal, she said she still had my back and told me to just keep up with my studies and work, and that she wants to here my songs on the radio one day,and don't worry about her,I basically let some time go by and see if I would be able to move on without her but when the holidays came I missed her and I decided not to give a damn what parents thought, I called her again and then I left another message telling her that I missed her and wanted to talk to her again, so her father called me up one night after I got out of work and we basically talked it out, I told her exactly how I respected him as her father but the truth is that I got a love for his daughter, we had a good chat it seemed, of course though she's been going out with a guy in Brooklyn that she was friends with before she moved to Jersey the year I met her so that added another complication for me but really I didn't give a damn either, I really still wanted to be there for her as a friend even though I can't be her man, like I told him I just want her to be happy, that girl is my heart for real, I'd lay down my life for her, we connect so well, after that things smoothed over a lil' bit even though she got her life like I do, I understand...

Really though lately she's been distant towards me, she's been busy with her life though and I learned to understand really, she's probably gotta lot to do her first year in college now, damn I feel old to know she's in college already, lol,gradually she'll be calling me again 'cause we got a strong bond, we'll be friends for life at least it seems even if I never become her man and I could live with that, maybe one day I'll meet somebody that I might, don't give up on this girl if you care about her Turntable, find a way to talk to her parents and maybe they will be able to understand if you pour your heart out to them, if they really care about their daughter they'll learn to listen, me and Krystle joked in schoolabout her "Parents Just Don't Understand" like that JJFP song, lol, I can't really believe that was 3 1/2 years ago, it don't feel that long...

Edited January 5, 2007 by bigted

[Turntable]

Yeah.. I gotta talk to her mom.. But she just think it's a realy bad idea, I guess she's scared. Her mom isnt very stabile ya'll should know, she has a stress syndrom.

I just feel like it's my fault she has going to go through this now. She keeps telling me it aint by saying It's my cvhoice to hang with you", but I dont take it like that.. I understand that her parents are protective, but this is messed up. I hope her momay will be able to deal with what I tell her.. that is if i go talk to her. She's like a sister to me.

Edited December 5, 2006 by Turntable

[bigted]

Well I don't know maybe you should let a lil' time go by and see if things smooth out a lil' bit but you should gradually try to talk to her mother, btw my papa went through the same thing with my mama that I went through with Krystle, her parents(my grandparents) gave her hell for wanting to go out with my papa 'cause he's not only a couple years older than her, really he was like in his 30's when she was 17, lol, that was around the time he moved to America from Haiti in 1973, he was just on the boardwalk in Seaside relaxing and then he saw her and they clicked, now we live in Seaside, lol, probably for sentimental reasons for them, we lived in North Jersey for awhile, between Elizabeth and Irvington until my papa's job went down he had in Newark went down so he got a job in Lakewood for a few years and he retired a few years ago, now back to the point I'm making, she went out with other guys for awhile and my papa saw other girls too, he lived between North Jersey and he lived in New York for about a good 10 years while my mama lived basically in Toms River NJ(South Jersey) with my grandparents, her parents, and basically after all those years went by one day my papa decided to call up her parents house and he basically talked to my grandpa poured out his soul, he would send her flowers and candy and stuff and basically they hit it off after that since they weren't seeing anybody else and then I was born a couple years later, funny how god works, maybe one day god will bring me and Krystle back together too, I ain't giving up on her, if things don't work out with who she goes with or who I might go out with then maybe we might be together gradually, you just never know, I'm keeping the love alive and I know I got a place in her heart too

Edited December 5, 2006 by bigted

[Turntable]

Yeah... I prolly should do that, even tho Naomi doesnt want me to. Thanks man.

Edited December 5, 2006 by Turntable

[bigted]

Hey Turntable anytime dog, I got your back homie, really my parents helped me out a lot to learn how to deal with Krystle, they've been there before just like me and her, and really I got some older step- brothers and sisters that my father had from his previous wife that lives in Haiti still, they're old enough to be my parents themselves, lol, they're like in their late 30's early 40's by now, some of them live in different parts of America, my one step brother lives in Boston, my step sister lives in Brooklyn, she got beef with my dad though, she sorta holds a grudge with my papa even though he always would call her when she was lil' and gave money to support them, she's mad that he left her mommy but really he had to come to America to give the children a better life, his wife never understood that so they divorced, my papa is my hero for real, he's been through a lot, a true soldier that I strive to be, dispite all the crap he's been through he always stays humble, I rarely see him get down about anything 'cause he knows how life could be worse

Edited December 5, 2006 by bigted

[Turntable]

So I reached out to Naomi at school today. I asked her if she's cool with me meating her mom. She said yes, and she said she'll ask her when she get's home. A few hours later she texted me, saying "You cant come, my mumy is angry". Seem's like it just wont workout.. Should I reach out to her mom myself?

[JumpinJack AJ]

Alot of times with situations like this...if u have 2 bend over backwards 2 much, u just need 2 let it go. Seems like u'd be trying 2 hard. Instead of forcing things...let things fall into (or not fall into) place.

[Turntable]

I cant. I would if it would be me going through ish. But in this case it's her going through ish for me. I cant just let that happen like that. You know what I mean?

[bigted]

I agree that it ain't bending over backwards if she feels the same way about you, that's why I keep on calling Krystle 'cause I know that she got feelings for me too, but if she didn't have any feelings for me I wouldn't call her so much either, I agree with AJ's point though about how relationships have to work both ways, as long as the feelings are there on both sides it's all good

[Turntable]

I decided to go and see her mum myself without Naomi beeing involved. I'l visit her mum when Naomi stay's with her dead. Thanks for the advice ya'll.

[DevilsJim89]

Advice...

Now I don't really talk about my life too much online but I was browsing this post and it is pretty enlightning to read the advice. We are all people and we all go through experiences.

Like sonic1988 about a month ago, I need advice with a girl...sorry if this is kinda choppy.

Story goes like this, about a month ago my friend Pat introduced me to his friend Rachel. We started talking online and we text each other alot. We got to know each other and what not. However shes been with her boyfriend George for now for a month and a half or so. Shes 19 - hes 27 or 28. This guy is 5'4 loser who smokes weed all the time, use to live on his own but fell into debt and now lives with his parents, he works in like a Kmart union or somethin, doesnt goto school and isnt going anywhere in life. Overall a dirtbag. Rachel is the complete opposite. Shes a sweetheart, beautiful kinda shy girl who doesnt smoke and never really had a guy to treat her good. Now I just met Rachel and I am falling for her. I know I am so much better than this guy because im 18 and Im first year in college and I work and I dont smoke. I'm a good guy who knows how to treat a girl. About 2-3 weeks ago it was me and Rachel, Pat and his girl Sara went ice skating. I paid for Rachel and just was bein myself making her laugh and what not. She had a great time. Last Saturday night, she picked me up and brought me to applebees for Pat's birthday shindig. We were early so we were sitting there in the parking lot in her car and talking. Again I was being myself making her laugh joking around. Somehow her b/f came up and I was just saying he was dirt and what not. Everyone knows too hes trash but she told me "i wouldnt still be with him if i didnt like him" . I was cool with it - cant be too abbrasive. Applebees went well and she took me home and we talked for 10 min on the phone but shesn not real talkative on the phone. I told her that theres prolly someone out there who can treat you real good and shes like "are u talkin bout yourself" im like i dont know maybe yess ..haha she didnt say much though but then again shes not talkative so idk. We get off the phone and she sends me a text "Goodnite..too bad we didnt get to meet a month earlier, then we could hangout more". Rachel told me weeks before this that she cant hangout with me 1 on 1 because she considers it a form of "cheating" meaning like she wouldnt like it if George hung out with other girls.

So a few days ago I'm online talking to my friend Lauren bout her asking for advice. Rachel is at the gym. I get some texts from her saying "i wanna go running" im like "lol then go do it" and shes like "i dont wanna run alone" and im like "arent you at the gym still" and shes like "no i left i wanna run at the bay beach or the docks but no one to go with" so i said i would and shes like "really" and im like "yeah" so i go over there and we ran and walked and chilled for an hour, hour and a half or so. I didn't bring up her boyfriend but damnn...it was nice hanging out just us two. Espeically since she said we could never hang out without Pat or others around ya know...

so my dilema is, how do you make a girl realize her man is dirt? I really like Rachel and I wanna be with her so bad and she knows I like her but damnn..we text each other many times everyday and talk online and just ugh...she doesnt deserve to be with this dirtbag. How do I go about this? I've had two girlfriends before and I never really had to try for them, (not to sound cocky) but they started liking me first and then I liked them. Now I'm actually trying and I just dont know what to do. Any advice would def. be appreciated. thanks

[Jazzy Julie]

hmm i wish i knew why we get attracted to idiots, we just do. All i can suggest is wait, be her friend and when/if she realises shes too good for this guy, hopefully your in there.