Complicated

[WesSyde]

i guess im calling this a poem because if you try to rap it out it doesnt always flow right, so its a poem

and here's the background on this, its not polished, its straight emotion and feeling. i wrote it once and then put my pen down, cuz i just wanna get over this event and get on with life, but this helped me release some of my feelings. basically there was this girl who i really liked and i thought she could be the one, a feeling that i havent had about any other girl before. and it turns out she already has someone in her heart. and imma just leave it at that.

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Complicated

As I sit here thinking bout me and you

I wonder why the hell my dreams will never come true

I remember that first day when I first heard you say

Your name and I was real impressed with your game

Life went on and so did we, I kept on wonderin where we’d be

In the future, but the future is now and as I write this I wonder how

Come the best things in life aint never easy

And my dreams of finding the one in my life will never please me

It sounds cheesy but I actually was thinking about you day and night

Night and day, planning out every word that I would say

It became apparent, that maybe you just wanted to be friends

But I couldn’t believe it, my heart wouldn’t let this come to an end

Ever since I saw your mesmerizing eyes and your beautiful smile

You smelled so good, I couldn’t stop thinking about you for a while

I knew you were the one, its sad cuz I still know you’re the one I cant have

I could see this dreadful ending the whole time I was thinking of you

But I was hoping, praying out to God that it wouldn’t come true

I also saw the happy ending and I focused on that too hoping, praying to God that it would come true

As time went on you started missing school and I started missing you

That riot inside my soul, soon became so quiet

I would call you and you were busy, babysitting, eating, whatever it was

I started thinking that maybe all this feeling I had about you was just an overexcited buzz

So I chilled out for a while but made sure I kept in contact with you

But tonight is the night I found out for sure that I’ll never get with you

At first I was like well I saw it coming so it shouldn’t be that sad

But yet it still hits me so hard that I wanted you so bad

That which does not kill me only makes me stronger

But the fact still remains that I will never be with you, no longer

It hurts to know there’s not a spot for me in your heart

Even thought I have a spot for you, it tears me apart

You gotta hope for the best but prepare for the worst

For 18 years I was in search of my first

And it seems as I’ve been cursed with a curse

But God keeps speaking to me, telling me to go to church

To that someone I just wanna say that I still love you

And I’m glad you have that one person in your life who loves you

Too bad it couldn’t be me, maybe one day you’ll see, but I doubt it seriously

You’re a great person and I could never deny that

Can we still be friends? I would hope so but my feelings may not fly with that

And for those of you reading it’s not that simple, it’s complicated

Cuz this **** got my mind all twisted and sedated

There’s a part of my heart that’s been cut with a knife that was serrated

All over this one girl who I wish I could’ve dated

Even after all this drama and anger there’s still that one final dagger

It’s just knowing the very fact that I can’t have her

Edited October 15, 2006 by WesSyde

[mfuqua23]

"It hurts to know there’s not a spot for me in your heart

Even thought I have a spot for you, it tears me apart" - Damn! You're killin me Wes.

"You gotta hope for the best but prepare for the worst

For 18 years I was in search of my first" - How long is too long in looking for love? A series of us will never know. It's 20 for me, and still counting.

"Even after all this drama and anger there’s still that one final dagger

It’s just knowing the very fact that I can’t have her" - That was almost like modern day Shakespeare of an ending.

I'm so glad I read this. Seriously. I mean, it reminds of a pain that I'll probably never fully overcome when I look back, but I can at least move on. You can't go wrong with straight emotion. Yo Wes, is it already if I copy this handwritten in my book of poems by myself and a selection of other people. It's seriously so deep and fits me to a T. Seriously, thanks for even having the courage to share that.

[Turntable]

This is truely amazing Wes. Something like that happened to me too, in the night of my birthday. I didnt feel that strong about her tho.

Edited October 16, 2006 by Turntable

[Jonny 5]

bit of a nightmare situation mate... been in similar myself, just not gettin involved too much at the moment cos don't want that to happen again... amazin poem tho mate... if she ever read that I bet she would be all over you. sorry to hear about it... but either way- time is a great healer :2thumbs:

[Hero1]

would you ever consider giving that to her? it's truly amazing.. and yeah the situation sucks :sick: :sick:

[WesSyde]

thanx for the feedback guys.

FuQ - u can copy it or do whatever you need to do, its fine with me

i guess maybe i should share this poem with her, but its a little more complicated then that she just didnt like me or whatever. first off shes adopted and i couldnt imagine what thats gotta be like at times. and 2) she has medical problems with her heart that often leave her in the hospital for a day or two feeling sick. and there have been times in her life when she really felt like crap because the doctors told her that her medical condition would leave her dead by the age of 20. it was times like these a lil while ago where she needed someone to really love her, and she found that in her best friend. now she lives with her best friend which means they hang out 24/7 and not that they are lovers or anything, but they are just together. they even have 1 myspace account for the both of them lol. so she's not looking for a boyfriend. she's just really close with all of her friends. even after i found this out that she was really close with her best friend, i was still gonna try and pursue her, but then i met a guy that used to go to her school and knew her and he said he tried to get with her before but couldnt because she's with her best friend and her best friend wouldnt let anyone else into her life. he told me to trust him on that one that it would be better just to be her friend and not go after her so i did.

tim - maybe one day i will give her that poem but for now its just like im trying to get over it. maybe one day in the future i will let her read it, if i can ever get some alone time with her

and thanks for the support guys, in fact im already over it pretty much. writing that out and expressing my emotions helped me get over it sooner.

[iceonly]

Yeah that's a great poem.

I think everyone has felt this at least once in his life.... what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger...

Edited October 17, 2006 by iceonly

[Big Willie]

Seriously amazing Wes. If people can relate to it you know you've done a good job.

[MissAshley]

wow, i haven't been in this section in a while, but i'm glad i stopped in today..Wes that was amazing, you almost never hear a guy spill his feelings like that, and i really appreciate that you did...it's great that you can get it out on paper even though it was a painful situaton for you...a lot of imagery there, for me anyway